Monday, October 18, 2010

Is it Just me?

Is it just me or is 6 and 7 years of age WAY too young to be going to a shooting range and firing off deadly weapons?  My husband, an avid hunter, and myself seem to have very different views on this topic.  I prefer to keep my children protected from harm rather than put them in it's way, while he sees this as an extremely unreasonable argument from me.  I in no way, shape or form have any desire to have my children out hunting, and have even less of a desire for them to have the skills to operate firearms at such a young age.  Apparently this is not something that is unheard of as the shooting range has all kinds of "goodies" for first time kids, such as badges, key chains, etc!!  They make it seem as though they are in a fucking toy store...way to hook them in and keep them coming back.  How many of these kids do we think end up owning and operating firearms legally and safely later on in life?  I was appalled when my son came home from the shooting range for the first time a few weeks ago, as he had gone with my husband without my knowledge.  I was even more appalled at how much he seemed to have enjoyed it...and why wouldn't he have?  After all don't all of his favorite super hero's sport guns and ammo of some sort?  Isn't my 7 year old daughter suppose to have pictures of Justin Bieber and High School Musical on her wall, not the test papers from her first target shooting?  Is it just me or is this something that I am overreacting about?  I hear other people telling me to relax, that it is the best place for them to go, they learn all about gun safety there, blah, blah, blah.  Is it just me or what, but why do they even need to know this in the first place, and why at this age?  Is hunting that important and do they really start this early...seriously?  Please someone give me your insight because I'd love to know an outsider's opinion.  Am I too overprotective or is this just plain ridiculous?

Monday, October 11, 2010

A Long and Hairy Battle

If any of you have a little girl or multiple little girls you will be able to relate, if you do not have a girl let me just tell you it is not always all ribbons and bows.  At some point those damn ribbons & bows have to come out and the hair must be brushed.  This encumbers brushing out any number of tangles from a day of sweating at the park, rubbing balloons all over their heads to make them stick to the wall, getting any number of sticky items, not just stuck, but completley rubbed in and made a part of MANY strands of their hair (these items include, but are not limited to, gum, sticky tack, tar (yep that's right), melted jolly rancher, rubber cement, glue and these are just the items I can think of right now). 
Now maybe I just have an extremley clumsy girl, but I am dealing with this on a pretty regular basis and a daily basis ritual would be the dreaded MORNING HAIR BATTLE.  Now, if you have never had to wake a child up from a slumber when they are clearly not ready to be awake yet, well you'll just have to try it sometime.....it's loads of fun, kind of like accidentally tasing yourself, (especially when you aren't particulary fond of the fact that you have to be awake yourself!).  When you start your morning off with a pint size child screaming and crying at a volume that is considered illegal and would for sure get me a citation issued (that is if the police were brave enough to even approach the situation which grows into a bigger monster every second) let me just say you start your day feeling a tad bit stressed and a little less than "pumped, energized and ready to face the world!".  I have fought this battle for a good 4 years now and as much as I was holding tight to my dream of my daughter having long hair and trust me I love her long hair.  I love the braids, the pig tails, buns and all of the fun you can have styling it, but the battling just plain wore me down.  So I fought the battle, I gave it my all and I must admit I have lost.  I finally broke down yesterday and cut her hair off.  The worst part is I know myself well enough to know that we will just grow it back out and dear god start this battle again someday.....but for now I rest.  I rest for the next hair battle. 


The before picture


I think she may be tired of battling in the morning also???


All done and minus quite a bit of hair or stress, whichever you prefer to call it.














The finished product.  She looks so much older to me now.                           

Sunday, October 10, 2010

My Perfect Sister...a Post to get me in Trouble for sure

My sister has always been the perfect one, and I have always been the fuck up.  I will admit that since having my children I have been given much more credit by my family than I ever had before, but the fact still remians that Jessica is the perfect one and Abby is the fuck up.  I have always been very aware and reminded of this throughtout my life in ways no matter how big or small, it was something that was just a given or known, sometimes spoken in such words, sometimes just subtly thrown out into the air for me to breathe in and absorb into my being and becoming a part of me the way that nicotine becomes a part of you when it is inhaled into the body over extended periods of time.  No matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you work that damage is done and can never be 100% reversed.  That being said, I will go into the part that will for sure get me into trouble.
Everyone who knows me knows how desperatly and badly I want to have another child and how that is not going to happen for me.  Yes, unfortunatley the reason this will not happen for me is all because of my own free will and doing.  My children are 17 months apart and my 2nd was a terrible baby.  Needless to say I was stressed, tired, out of my mind and in no shape to be making any kind of life altering decisions, but did I?  I sure did....I walked right into that Dr's office with my husband and watched as his Vasectomy was performed.  Watched as my future hopes, dreams and livelihood were sliced, clipped and burned away from him in a matter of 30 minutes.  This is very important for you to know because I have the perfect sister that will say to me "Hey, I told you not to have it done." and "Hey, it isn't my fault you can't have any more babies and I still can".  I cannot recall my sister ever having made a bad decision...I mean a truly bad one.  I, on the other hand, have made more than I care to count, and she will be the one of the first ones to throw them out there and in my face for me to chew on, remember, feel bad about & then bask in the fact that she herself is such a great level headed person who takes calculated risks and makes decisions only after weighing them out, blah, blah, blah.  Don't get me wrong she loves me very much, but that love is very much conditionally based on the person I became once I had my children, and also very much based on the fact that she loves my children, therfore she loves me.  This is what I believe to be true anyway, and I don't even have the energy to get into why!  Either way, I hate to sound like a whiner and complainer but sometimes those old sibling rivalries and those old demons of growing up together get the best of us and take over.....this is definatley one of those times!  I feel as though I have never measured up to my sister nor will I ever and I have accepted this, what I have not accepted is that she is going to take the one thing that I feel that I have done right, am damn good at, and definatley as good as her at and upstage me with it.  I cannot be the person who lives with regret and I cannot be the person who holds a grudge, but damnit I want my 3rd, 4th, 5th (whatever the case may be) child.  I want my chance, I want my turn to prove who I am & what I can do and be, I want my family for once to throw me in the category of my sister, instead of the one just below her, as always.  So in all of my shame and embarrasment, yes I left my perfect sister, her perfect family, her perfect house and her perfect future last night got in my car and sobbed the entire way home.  I cannot believe I cried when I should be happy, I cannot believe I cried when I have every reason to be grateful, I cannot believe I cried when I thought I had matured and grown past my jealousy and envy of my perfect sister (ha...guess not).  I just plain cannot believe alot about last night, I do believe, however, that I cried so much that my eyes were swollen and my husband found the need to hug me (this is VERY rare!)I am happy deep down I really am, I will be more and more happy as time goes on, but I fear I will always look at my perfect sister, her perfect life and know that I will always be just the runner up, #2 or just plain the fuck up, just as I have always been.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

My stab at Poetry

"Dont Take my Soul"

Don't take my soul and run away
you know you are too fast for me to catch.
Don't put my heart out on display
you know cracks run deep and some are unable to be repaired.
Your hands may be calloused
your heart might betray...oh God, Betray!
Your words will cut like a burning knife
on any randon, sunny turns to deadly storms, day.
Don't tell me one thing, expect another, yet then portray..
portray that "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN".
As tough I've become one with palm reading and fortune telling
do you see a Crystall Ball, or Tarot Cards to play?
Don't judge me  or call me a liar due to an answer delay.
Assume guilt and ask questions later?  Hey it seems reasonable to me!
Don't tell me "Don't", Don't think I won"t
Don't underestimate me and Don't take me for granted,
even you stand to be amazed and in shock....believe it or not.
Don't think I won't run, yet Don't think I won't stay
and for God's sake, please,
Don't take my soul and run away!
                                                                            
                                                                      Abby Redmon

Friday, October 1, 2010

I think I want "The Thinker"

I have the idea in my head that I want to get a new tattoo of "The Thinker".  Those of you that know me have either cringed,smiled or started thinking about what you will get if you go with me.  Either way, whichever one you did you all have one thing in common...you know that I will get this tattoo.  It may not be today or tomorrow, but it will happen.  When I get these ideas I cannot get rid of them until I make them happen, it is a problem that I have (hey everyone has their quirks!).  I have not gotten extremely far in my planning process,as I never really do.  I just get the idea in my head and make it happen, sometimes against my better judgement, enter the giant flower on my lower abdomen done about 1 year before I got pregnant!  I still think I would be a great candidate for a free tummy tuck due to that sucker.  I'll keep you posted if I ever find a taker for that one - ha. 

Yes, in hindsight this "may" have been a "bit" of bad judgement on my part.  Oh well, we live and learn. 
"It's a beaut Clarke It's a beaut!" - Clarke Griswold Christmas Vacation


So I'm just putting it out there for anyone who may need to get prepared, get on board or just plain get one with me...I think I want "the Thinker" and therefore I will get "the Thinker"

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

6 years ago...seems only yesterday

6 years ago today at exactly 2:10 P.M. I gave birth to an 8lb 10.4oz 21" perfect baby boy.  It is oddly unsettling to think how quickly these past 6 years have passed, as it seems that only yesterday this was happening, let alone multiple YEARS!  Where has the time gone and what has it done with my "baby"? 

I still remember as clearly as a cloudless summer day, the way I felt when I woke up in the morning to check into the hospital and get induced, the way I felt when the induction began for this child (as this time I knew what to expect!), the labor, every contraction, visitor, the sound of laughter in my room even when it wasn't coming from me, the scary parts that brought me to the brink and the calming people that brought me back.  I still remember, as if it were happening right now, when those 4 life changing words were spoken; "It's time to push" especially since they were uttered by my sister and my nurse because the doctor hadn't quite skidded on in yet.  You can imagine that with all of these memories so vivid and alive that the actual memory of his birth is even more so in my head than my physical brain.  I cannot conceive; nor do I want to how I could ever forget or even dull, blunt or fade the edges of the memories until they slowly leave me.  I hear people talk about this happening and I cannot imagine.  This to me would be irreversible damage that I could see no way of over coming.  I want to remember, I want to hang on, I want for it to always every day seem like only yesterday.  This is no small happening in life, and it has made me who I am.  I thank god every minute of every day for my children and for the ability and right to call these memories my own and also for the fact that nothing but him can ever take them away from me.  6, 10, 25 years......it will always seem as it were only yesterday.







  


Friday, September 24, 2010

Our Wedding at OneTrueMedia.com

A little bit about a whole lot I want to remember every moment of for the rest of my life.

Some of the Biggest Rewards....

I have started the weekend off with one fabulous start I must say.  I left work (late), picked up the kids, went to the store to pick up a prescription that I was told my insurance wouldn't allow me to fill until Sunday, yes, less than 48 hours away.  I then did some shopping for my son's 6th birthday party which is on Saturday and in my irritation and attempt to get everything accomplished in a timely manner (with 2 kids in tow - what was I even thinking?) forgot a number of things.  I even had a list for Christ's sake!!  I left the store feeling quite defeated and also left the week feeling quite defeated as well, so of course I decide to do the wise thing and continue on instead of calling it a night and going at it strong the next day.....after all what choice does a mother have sometimes?  Anyway, I run into Party City with both of the kids to grab the items I forgot when I get a phone call from my husband stating that he is stuck on a roof.  Yes, you read that correctly, he was stuck on a roof.  I mean, really, why wouldn't he be after the way this evening has been going?  I yell for my kids to put back the items they are playing with and tell them we aer leaving.....try explaining this one to a 6 and 7 year old.  If you have never been looked at as though you have 7 heads and 4 eyes on each one of them, tell your children the above is the reason you MUST leave the store pronto & that oughta do the trick.  I pay for my items and go to leave only to discover that I have no keys.  I mean these puppies are gone.  I then spend the next 20 minutes in a store filled with party decorations and 2 children trying to locate a lost pair of keys and trying to get them to help me.  On the plus side, Ocean discovered 5 things she wants to be for Halloween and Izaak found no costume per say, but plenty of weapons for whatever he decides to be.  I finally have to break down and call my husband as I know he is growing more and more enraged by the minute since I told him I was checking out when he called, now, 27 minutes prior.  Luckily for both of us a very nice samaritan drove by and helped him put his ladder back up that the wind had blown over, but now I had to tell him about my fun little situation that was causing me to sweat more and more by the second.  Have I mentioned that this is the only key I have to my car and the replacement key is around $125.00..hence I only have 1 key?  Long story short it is now 11:11 PM (make a wish - believe me I AM) and I have only been home for 30 minutes folks.  This will be the bulk of my complaining because tomorrow I get to go watch Izaak play soccer and then throw him a big 6th birthday party.  He is going to have his first sleepover party and everything and he could not be more excited if Buzz Lightyear himself walked into his bedroom and sat down on his bed.  Some of the biggest rewards come out of the messiest of beginnings and I am choosing to believe that this is how this story will go.  Someday soon this will be a very funny story, not quite yet, but soon and I will not have wanted to have changed a thing for these my friends are the stories of our lives.  The frowns turn into smiles, the frustration turns into laughter & joy and the worst of times can reap the biggest rewards. 

Me & Izaak after his last soccer game of last season.  The morning had been a "bit hectic" but the day went on, the game was great and we all had a blast.



 
Ocean not long after being extremely upset with me over not getting her way and then getting in trouble with her dad.  Moments later she saw a snake and remembered that she wants one for a pet and all of her troubles were forgotten....just like that.



Izaak after being VERY upset that he couldn't swim when we were in Texas because of a recent surgery.  He sure looks upset here doesn't he?  Those brownies sure turned that frown of his into a smile in a hurry.



Life Works itself out we just have to wait for the reward to come and this I know is the hardest part.

Oh Yeah - Did I mention I still haven't found my keys and my car is still in the parking lot at Party City? HA



Tuesday, September 21, 2010

When Your Heart is Shut & Your Eyes are Closed

While riding to a concert the other day I realized how shut off my heart has really been & just how closed my eyes have been, as well, to my life and what is really happening within it.  They say things happen for a reason & that they happen when you least expect them.  Well for the first time I truly experienced this happen to me.  A friend was playing a CD of hers and very non chalantly asked me if I had ever heard it before, to which I replied "no".  I was then blown away by the words and the power of one certain song and the chord that it struck within me.  This song broke loose every thought, fear, dream, powerlessness & just plain emotion I have been bottling up about my life for quite some time now.  I have been depressed and feeling very powerless about how I got to where I am in my life and feeling as though I am too late to get out of it as the responsibilities I have are to great to risk it for my own "selfish" dreams.  This very moment brought to life something within me that made me realize that I have time, it is not too late and as long as their is a breathe in my body I WILL chase my dreams, for I will not look back and wonder what could have been.  Parents lead by example and what kind of an example am I setting by just living and being complacent, yet not truly happy, because that is the easy thing to do even though it does not make me happy, fullfilled or enriched in any way?  I am so grateful that I was able to open my heart and eyes and see this moment for what it was and what it meant.  The song that means so much to me is "Distant Dreamer" by Duffy and these are the lyrics:

"Although you think I cope
My head is filled with hope of some place other than here
Although you think I smile
Inside and all the while I'm wondering about my destiny

I'm thinking about all the things
I'd like to do in my life
I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today

Even when you see me frown my heart won't let me down
Because I know there's better things to come, woah yeah
And when life gets tough and I feel I've had enough
I hold on to a distant star

I'm thinking about, all the things
I'd like to do in my life
I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today

I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today
Yeah, I'm a Dreamer

I'm a Dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today
Yeah, I'm a dreamer
I'm a dreamer"

To sum it up I really am a dreamer at heart I have so many hopes and dreams for my life that I cannot believe I have let myself get so complacent.  I vow to change this as it will make me not only a better person, but a better parent.

To quote one of the greatest artists of all times "Some People say I'm a Dreamer...but I'm not the only One".
Oh.....by the way I was on my way to see Rain a Beatles Tribute Band.  Ironic?  You decide.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Opening Up & Branching Out

I am not what one would call a computer savy individual by any means, nor am I a person that would ever open myself up for what is really in my head and heart.  I am much more comfortable hiding behind my perfected art of sarcasam, being rude, blunt & embarassing as my sister so loves to call me at times.  I am not comfortable "putting myself out there" for all to see and actually know what I am all about.  Recently, however, I have started to discover that what I am all about is actually not bad, not bad at all and I should not be ashamed.  So here is to my journey of putting myself out there and doing it on the computer none the less - YIKES!