Wednesday, September 29, 2010

6 years ago...seems only yesterday

6 years ago today at exactly 2:10 P.M. I gave birth to an 8lb 10.4oz 21" perfect baby boy.  It is oddly unsettling to think how quickly these past 6 years have passed, as it seems that only yesterday this was happening, let alone multiple YEARS!  Where has the time gone and what has it done with my "baby"? 

I still remember as clearly as a cloudless summer day, the way I felt when I woke up in the morning to check into the hospital and get induced, the way I felt when the induction began for this child (as this time I knew what to expect!), the labor, every contraction, visitor, the sound of laughter in my room even when it wasn't coming from me, the scary parts that brought me to the brink and the calming people that brought me back.  I still remember, as if it were happening right now, when those 4 life changing words were spoken; "It's time to push" especially since they were uttered by my sister and my nurse because the doctor hadn't quite skidded on in yet.  You can imagine that with all of these memories so vivid and alive that the actual memory of his birth is even more so in my head than my physical brain.  I cannot conceive; nor do I want to how I could ever forget or even dull, blunt or fade the edges of the memories until they slowly leave me.  I hear people talk about this happening and I cannot imagine.  This to me would be irreversible damage that I could see no way of over coming.  I want to remember, I want to hang on, I want for it to always every day seem like only yesterday.  This is no small happening in life, and it has made me who I am.  I thank god every minute of every day for my children and for the ability and right to call these memories my own and also for the fact that nothing but him can ever take them away from me.  6, 10, 25 years......it will always seem as it were only yesterday.







  


Friday, September 24, 2010

Our Wedding at OneTrueMedia.com

A little bit about a whole lot I want to remember every moment of for the rest of my life.

Some of the Biggest Rewards....

I have started the weekend off with one fabulous start I must say.  I left work (late), picked up the kids, went to the store to pick up a prescription that I was told my insurance wouldn't allow me to fill until Sunday, yes, less than 48 hours away.  I then did some shopping for my son's 6th birthday party which is on Saturday and in my irritation and attempt to get everything accomplished in a timely manner (with 2 kids in tow - what was I even thinking?) forgot a number of things.  I even had a list for Christ's sake!!  I left the store feeling quite defeated and also left the week feeling quite defeated as well, so of course I decide to do the wise thing and continue on instead of calling it a night and going at it strong the next day.....after all what choice does a mother have sometimes?  Anyway, I run into Party City with both of the kids to grab the items I forgot when I get a phone call from my husband stating that he is stuck on a roof.  Yes, you read that correctly, he was stuck on a roof.  I mean, really, why wouldn't he be after the way this evening has been going?  I yell for my kids to put back the items they are playing with and tell them we aer leaving.....try explaining this one to a 6 and 7 year old.  If you have never been looked at as though you have 7 heads and 4 eyes on each one of them, tell your children the above is the reason you MUST leave the store pronto & that oughta do the trick.  I pay for my items and go to leave only to discover that I have no keys.  I mean these puppies are gone.  I then spend the next 20 minutes in a store filled with party decorations and 2 children trying to locate a lost pair of keys and trying to get them to help me.  On the plus side, Ocean discovered 5 things she wants to be for Halloween and Izaak found no costume per say, but plenty of weapons for whatever he decides to be.  I finally have to break down and call my husband as I know he is growing more and more enraged by the minute since I told him I was checking out when he called, now, 27 minutes prior.  Luckily for both of us a very nice samaritan drove by and helped him put his ladder back up that the wind had blown over, but now I had to tell him about my fun little situation that was causing me to sweat more and more by the second.  Have I mentioned that this is the only key I have to my car and the replacement key is around $125.00..hence I only have 1 key?  Long story short it is now 11:11 PM (make a wish - believe me I AM) and I have only been home for 30 minutes folks.  This will be the bulk of my complaining because tomorrow I get to go watch Izaak play soccer and then throw him a big 6th birthday party.  He is going to have his first sleepover party and everything and he could not be more excited if Buzz Lightyear himself walked into his bedroom and sat down on his bed.  Some of the biggest rewards come out of the messiest of beginnings and I am choosing to believe that this is how this story will go.  Someday soon this will be a very funny story, not quite yet, but soon and I will not have wanted to have changed a thing for these my friends are the stories of our lives.  The frowns turn into smiles, the frustration turns into laughter & joy and the worst of times can reap the biggest rewards. 

Me & Izaak after his last soccer game of last season.  The morning had been a "bit hectic" but the day went on, the game was great and we all had a blast.



 
Ocean not long after being extremely upset with me over not getting her way and then getting in trouble with her dad.  Moments later she saw a snake and remembered that she wants one for a pet and all of her troubles were forgotten....just like that.



Izaak after being VERY upset that he couldn't swim when we were in Texas because of a recent surgery.  He sure looks upset here doesn't he?  Those brownies sure turned that frown of his into a smile in a hurry.



Life Works itself out we just have to wait for the reward to come and this I know is the hardest part.

Oh Yeah - Did I mention I still haven't found my keys and my car is still in the parking lot at Party City? HA



Tuesday, September 21, 2010

When Your Heart is Shut & Your Eyes are Closed

While riding to a concert the other day I realized how shut off my heart has really been & just how closed my eyes have been, as well, to my life and what is really happening within it.  They say things happen for a reason & that they happen when you least expect them.  Well for the first time I truly experienced this happen to me.  A friend was playing a CD of hers and very non chalantly asked me if I had ever heard it before, to which I replied "no".  I was then blown away by the words and the power of one certain song and the chord that it struck within me.  This song broke loose every thought, fear, dream, powerlessness & just plain emotion I have been bottling up about my life for quite some time now.  I have been depressed and feeling very powerless about how I got to where I am in my life and feeling as though I am too late to get out of it as the responsibilities I have are to great to risk it for my own "selfish" dreams.  This very moment brought to life something within me that made me realize that I have time, it is not too late and as long as their is a breathe in my body I WILL chase my dreams, for I will not look back and wonder what could have been.  Parents lead by example and what kind of an example am I setting by just living and being complacent, yet not truly happy, because that is the easy thing to do even though it does not make me happy, fullfilled or enriched in any way?  I am so grateful that I was able to open my heart and eyes and see this moment for what it was and what it meant.  The song that means so much to me is "Distant Dreamer" by Duffy and these are the lyrics:

"Although you think I cope
My head is filled with hope of some place other than here
Although you think I smile
Inside and all the while I'm wondering about my destiny

I'm thinking about all the things
I'd like to do in my life
I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today

Even when you see me frown my heart won't let me down
Because I know there's better things to come, woah yeah
And when life gets tough and I feel I've had enough
I hold on to a distant star

I'm thinking about, all the things
I'd like to do in my life
I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today

I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today
Yeah, I'm a Dreamer

I'm a Dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today
Yeah, I'm a dreamer
I'm a dreamer"

To sum it up I really am a dreamer at heart I have so many hopes and dreams for my life that I cannot believe I have let myself get so complacent.  I vow to change this as it will make me not only a better person, but a better parent.

To quote one of the greatest artists of all times "Some People say I'm a Dreamer...but I'm not the only One".
Oh.....by the way I was on my way to see Rain a Beatles Tribute Band.  Ironic?  You decide.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Opening Up & Branching Out

I am not what one would call a computer savy individual by any means, nor am I a person that would ever open myself up for what is really in my head and heart.  I am much more comfortable hiding behind my perfected art of sarcasam, being rude, blunt & embarassing as my sister so loves to call me at times.  I am not comfortable "putting myself out there" for all to see and actually know what I am all about.  Recently, however, I have started to discover that what I am all about is actually not bad, not bad at all and I should not be ashamed.  So here is to my journey of putting myself out there and doing it on the computer none the less - YIKES!