Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Back to School I Go

I decided about 2 weeks ago to finally quit talking and dreaming about going back to school, let go of my fears, trust in God that everything will work out as it is suppose to and just do it already.  For Christ's sake I have never held back on anything else in my life or let fear stand in my way before....I mean really I had 2 kids before I was married or even 24 for that matter.  I guess I just realized that when it came down to it fear wasn't what was stopping me before, it was a free spirit with a carefree attitude.  Nothing like 2 kids and a family to kill those qualities in a hurry.  I thought about this and realized I did not like this attitude, not one bit.  If anything it was my free spirit and carefree attitude that I want to desperately pass on to my own children.  I want them to see the fun in life and the way that life can change, bend, rearrange and it can be scary but oh so exhilarating and fun.  I, somehow, had lost this about myself along the way and it is high time to get it back.  Children learn from example and I can teach them nothing if I, myself am allowing my own fear to hold me back from being what I want to be when I "grow up".  I keep telling Ocean that she can be anything she wants to be so long as she believes and works/tries hard....well what example am I setting by going to work every day that is nowhere near the star that I shot for?  I am setting up meetings, applying for grants, enrolling for classes and truth be told am scared as hell about it all, but scared in a good way.  I am scared to be going back to school at 30 with 2 kids and a family, but more scared to tell my kids "do as I say, not as I did".  I have hope in my heart that I will accomplish a dream I have had for too many years and not acted upon on.  I have a dream in my heart of my children watching me receive a diploma and get a job doing what I truly wanted to do all along.  I have faith in my heart that this will inspire them to never give up on their own dreams no matter how big or small they may seem at the time.  I have hope that they will learn from me that letting fear hold you back doesn't allow you to grow.  I have hope that going back to school, challenging and scary as it may be, will accomplish so much more than a degree and a career, but a lifelong lesson and pride, 2 things that cannot be taught in any school or class.