Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Back to School I Go

I decided about 2 weeks ago to finally quit talking and dreaming about going back to school, let go of my fears, trust in God that everything will work out as it is suppose to and just do it already.  For Christ's sake I have never held back on anything else in my life or let fear stand in my way before....I mean really I had 2 kids before I was married or even 24 for that matter.  I guess I just realized that when it came down to it fear wasn't what was stopping me before, it was a free spirit with a carefree attitude.  Nothing like 2 kids and a family to kill those qualities in a hurry.  I thought about this and realized I did not like this attitude, not one bit.  If anything it was my free spirit and carefree attitude that I want to desperately pass on to my own children.  I want them to see the fun in life and the way that life can change, bend, rearrange and it can be scary but oh so exhilarating and fun.  I, somehow, had lost this about myself along the way and it is high time to get it back.  Children learn from example and I can teach them nothing if I, myself am allowing my own fear to hold me back from being what I want to be when I "grow up".  I keep telling Ocean that she can be anything she wants to be so long as she believes and works/tries hard....well what example am I setting by going to work every day that is nowhere near the star that I shot for?  I am setting up meetings, applying for grants, enrolling for classes and truth be told am scared as hell about it all, but scared in a good way.  I am scared to be going back to school at 30 with 2 kids and a family, but more scared to tell my kids "do as I say, not as I did".  I have hope in my heart that I will accomplish a dream I have had for too many years and not acted upon on.  I have a dream in my heart of my children watching me receive a diploma and get a job doing what I truly wanted to do all along.  I have faith in my heart that this will inspire them to never give up on their own dreams no matter how big or small they may seem at the time.  I have hope that they will learn from me that letting fear hold you back doesn't allow you to grow.  I have hope that going back to school, challenging and scary as it may be, will accomplish so much more than a degree and a career, but a lifelong lesson and pride, 2 things that cannot be taught in any school or class.

I never thought I'd Say....

Upon becoming a  mother I have found myself saying things I never thought would need to be said and answering questions I never thought would be asked, for example this morning while my children were brushing their teeth my son asks "Mom, why can't brothers marry their sisters?"....hmmm.  Well that is a real thinker as it is only 6:00 AM and I am barely able to think clearly as it is.  The fine line of too much reality and just plain lies has me caught in quite a predicament as they are both looking to me for an answer.  I quickly come back with a very generic, and hopefully satisfying, "because brothers and sisters getting married to each other is illegal and could cause health problems if there wasn't a law against it".  I realized very quickly I had said too much and should have wrapped it up after just saying it was illegal.  Lord, if these two didn't turn from a 7 & 8 year old child into Law & Order detectives on me!  "What..., what kind of health problems, why would there be health problems and what kind?  Who made it illegal and is it just because of these health problems, and so on and so forth.  It is right about this time I hear their dad standing in the hall trying to contain his laughter & so I did what any good mother would do.  I told them to ask their dad, he would be able to explain it.  Now I am just waiting to get a call from the school, to which I will again reply "Oh you will need to call their dad".  It's times like these I miss saying the things I never thought I'd say that were so much more simple such as: "Get out of the oven...it is not a hiding spot." or "Take my bra off of your neck, you are going to choke!".  Oh the things we learn along the way, every day is something new, somewhat funny, somewhat scary and just plain "Mommy talk".